ol_man_river (ol_man_river) wrote in hermit_cave,

Old habits die hard

I used to have an online confidant. I would tell her practically everything about myself and my life, and I guess, for the purposes of buffered social interaction, she was a.... friend.

 She was quite enthusiastic towards me initially, but as time drew on, people become less interesting the more we become accustomed to them. Needless to say, she wasn't exactly the most exciting individual I'd ever come into contact with, and I bore most of the duties regarding having something worthwhile to say, and she would dumb it down, and chime in with pointless anecdotes and soforth.

 We had numerous disagreements, and she would draw conclusions about things I'd said, or even via pauses in written text, far earlier than I'd even surmised the plot. All in all, a terribly emotionally insecure woman, who always wanted what she never sought to give: loved attention, but divvied it up rather sparsely in return.

 Me, I'm a big fan of equity in any interaction. Be it acquaintances, friends, lovers.... it doesn't matter to me. You give what you get, or it isn't a fair and reciprocal relationship; I'm not an unreasonable person. This particular woman sought to remove herself from me, after one too many arguments, and usually they revolved around my frustration at being ignored [which is something I never did to her]. Fancy that: refusing to offer me the same courtesy she received. Hilariously, she would always miraculously return at the precise point that I would become annoyed with her, and never a moment prior, or a moment after. Months of this bullshit went by, and, as I said, she removed herself from me.

 Her last correspondence was one of "I wish you all the best" and blah blah I'm walking away from you. That was okay with me, but I sent her a little message telling her that I didn't want to discard her as a friend, and that if she disagreed, she was welcome to simply ignore me to show her intent. In short, I gave her the option, but also let her have the easy way out if she so wished. The latter was taken, and I thought myself aggrieved somewhat considering I'd done her little harm. I trudged off licking my wounds.

 I left her to her own devices, and was doing fairly well. A couple of months trotted along, and I was quite enjoying the newfound sense of not having to put up with this prattling bitch, who promised much, delivered little, and got the shit every time I'd feed her the same treatment she'd reserve for me.

 And who would send me an add request out of the blue, but the same, boring woman? Snide, fickle and full of pissy little games: desperate to inject some sense of drama into an otherwise arid existence. Thinking myself to be kind, and thoughtful, I accepted, and waited. Quaintly, the only time I've ever received an add request out of the blue was from bots when I'd log into yahoo chat rooms. I have never received an add request from any other source unsolicited. So's I send her an email, asking why she sought to talk to me if she had said not long ago that she did not wish to know me anymore. What followed was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read, save from the will executor of my English Nigerian uncle I have who amusingly denominates my uncle's earnings in a currency not endemic to Africa at all. I get the response:

 I don't know what happened. I never sent you any add requests.

 In this quaintest of faux-worlds, the cyber world, some vapid, middle-aged lame-brain expected me to believe that an MSN account, the email address I'd sent the mail to, had somehow, of its own accord, typed my email address into an add contact box, hit send, and had waited patiently for my response. Now that's an interesting instant messenger she has. And had the audacity to claim that I told her not to contact me again. Lord have fucking mercy on my poor soul. I'm a magnet for fucking idiots, I swear. Well, they do say opposite poles attract.

 How pathetic am I? Well, it's plainly obvious, when your most frustrating episode recently is to do with someone you've never met. Needless to say, it was so liberating to delete my email and messenger accounts, and be rid of her, and the scores of other instant messaging protozoa that nigh incessantly fed on every last scrap of my will to live.

 I became wise to a few things in everyday life, too: give others your time in volumes commensurate with the amount of dirt in the world, and people will value your time as dirt. The motto? Fuck you all, you arse-crawling parasites.
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